From The Archives: Soldier Boy’s Reality 6 – “I’m A Soldier Not A Warrior”

I actually wrote this one before the previous From The Archives post. Looking back I can’t believe how quickly time has flown by. I’ll be leaving for my twenty-seventh mission in a couple of months and to be totally honest I’m quite amazed at how much I’ve grown as a person since then. Leaving home hasn’t gotten any easier, but I have a clearer sense of purpose now, knowing that what we do actually matters even though our loved ones will never know what we do on assignment. I’ve come to accept that the better we do our jobs, the more they will take our peace and prosperity at home for granted. And that isn’t a bad thing. The less they worry the easier it is for us to keep peace of mind on mission time. Reflecting on my old writing from a couple of years ago, I’ve come to realise that God’s plan for me was to educate me on the importance of life and how important the safety of my loved ones is to me, that regardless of their awareness of my love for them that I’ve never take them for granted. They are the reason I serve and the reason I want to make it home again.



Eemz’s Originals: “I’m a Soldier not a Warrior”

Originally posted on Friday, 21 August 2009 

Almost two years since my last mission, just when I thought I was safe, they send me back in for number eighteen, which I’ve been promised would be the last time…as I was told almost two years ago when I got reassigned back to doctrine and last year when I got seconded to be vice chief code monkey.

Thinking that having been moved back to doctrine that I’d never have to pick up a gun again. As a defence technical officer, my job is to play Micheal Schofield for the battlefield (which explains everything). Understandably the reason why I get the arrows I do. Due dilligence & first contact/special envoy assignments.

True to the fact that Foreign Affairs officers are just overpaid postmen, when the need arises to negotiate with gangsters they send in the soldiers… in uniform and sometimes otherwise.

Apparently when the sovereign entity possesses equitable resources in foreign lands, they need to make sure that these assets aren’t fuct with. That’s where the Captains ‘for’ industry come in, ‘Commissioned’ Intermediaries, the natural born deal makers with the intrinsics to work with guns at the table.

The lads that do the shit that most scholars and suits can’t. The shit that nobody sees. Deals with people that aren’t afraid to die. On top of knowing your socio-economic shit, to do this you have to have no intrinsic fear of death. You have to be born to do this, no one can develop the capacity for the composure & intellectual & social aptitude required, you’re either born with it or not. The only way to see if you actually have what it takes is if you survive a successful mission.

So another ‘routine’ mission to a desert live zone to negotiate mine access route security with the local ‘constituency’. Seemingly indestructable and more than just lucky I don’t expect any more trouble than the usual haggle over pricing. The organisation heads are always all smiles when they meet us, so I will definitely be back in one piece and even more alive, despite farkin hating the desert.

So much for what I do for my country.

But feeling quite jiwang from my recent jamming sessions I am somehow compelled to write a rock song about the emotions that experienced by a Special Unit Commander everytime he leaves his loved ones to go on assignment. Very much inspired by David Cook’s ‘Permanent’ which I’m listening to as I write this.

It would be really cool if you listened to DC’s Permanent while reading the lyrics below…sooo I attached the link here: David Cook ~ Permanent



“I’m a Soldier not a Warrior”

by Eemz DanJrR

As I go away tonight,
I can’t help but feel you cry,
What can I say?
I can’t say no.
Somebody has to go and fight.
Somebody has to keep you safe.

I can’t look you in the eye.
Can’t promise that I’ll come back.
Even as I go away, my love for you will still remain.

All I can say is that it’s touch & go,
May not see you again.
My duties can’t refrain,
My love for you will still remain.

I know it’s not fair but,
Times come by and I have to lead my men,
Someone has to take command,
But we knew that,
Right from the start,
That life wasn’t going to be fair.

I’m a soldier not a waaariioor,
I fight only to defend,
Only to defeeend.
Yet why am I in hell every single day,
In a foreign land, foreiiign laaaand,
But it’s all worthwhile knowing you’ll hold my hand,
If I return not in a body bag.

And if I don’t,
Promise me you won’t cry,
Take this song and please move on,
That’s why I wrote this soooong.

And if I do come back,
I promise to look you in the eye,
You are the reason why.
You are the reasooon whyyy!
The reason why…. [fade out]

Unike Ebony & Ivory, some of us aren't given the choice between 'Duty VS Priorities'. When it calls we have to go, we can't say no.


From The Archives: Soldier Boy’s Reality 5 – “Doubts Of Duty”

I wrote this some years ago shortly after I got a new posting and promotion. Back then I was struggling to understand why, but after completing that service tour and currently serving a new one, I’ve finally got it. I realise now the importance of my role in the big picture and look forward to serving my duties in protecting my family by fulfilling my responsibilities to my country. Still it’s good to reflect on where I was and how far I’ve come since then.




Doubts of Duty

Originally posted on Friday, 4 September 2009

I’ve always been against war, yet I find myself in the odd position of predicting the eventualities of combat and deciding the fate of my own troops, and attempting to ensure the fate of our opponents.

It weighs on my soul heavily, the consequences of my talents.

“To save a life, is to save all mankind” but “to take a life, is to destroy all mankind”

So I ask “Are the lives that we take in battle worth any less than those we protect? Do they not serve to protect other lives as well? If we fight for the same motivations and primary causes, then why are we fighting each other?”

What is the point?

I’m sure on the other side, there is another young man in my position as well, questioning the purpose of his role in the war machine.

Where success is taken from the failure of others to terminal consequence, does there lie any nobility in such a victory?

When lives are at stake, what right does anyone have to speculate?

If we can’t afford to lose? Can we afford to win? The expenses to the souls of our victors is truly beyond recoup from the benefits.

We cannot afford to go to war! We must not ever again if it is within our power to make it so! And we do have the power! Don’t we? I would honestly like to find out.

Ironic that most of my battles have been with my superiors whom insist in placing within me the responsibilities which I accept with total reluctance.

There is no shortage of others that want my job, yet why is it that they gave it to the person that clearly wants it least? Perhaps that is the answer right there. The person who serves to avoid power, is the one that understands its consequence best. The person that has no need nor desire for it, would wield it only when necessary, even then still very much reluctantly. Hence automatically be most likely to exercise it responsibly.

I still don’t want it and never will. I can’t wait till I’m out of the game for good. I just want to live my life and be happy with what I do, where I am and who I am with. I’ve done more than enough to deserve it, and I desire most for them to leave me alone.

Entrepreneurship: Core Competencies Are Compulsory

In follow up to an earlier post I put up a few months ago (see “Creativity, Entrepreneurship and Stupid Idiots”), which was an excerpt from an email I sent during a committee discussion, here is an excerpt from another response to the discussion I sent the following day, regarding the concept of entrepreneurship as a framework of competencies consisting of hard and soft skills which can be learnt, developed and applied to actualize creative projects, as opposed to just the promotion of creativity.

Anyone can learn those skills and be an entrepreneur, their success will depend on how they apply those competencies to actualize their creative ideas in the real world to positive result.

Anyone can come up with new creative ideas but if they don’t possess the relevant competencies required to actualize those ideas or at least have access to people that do, then no matter how brilliant the idea, it will not amount to any positive result.

Core competencies are compulsory.

Enjoy the read. Cheers! 🙂


I’m actually not a supporter of the notion that fundraising bazaars are suitable for entrepreneurship courses.

There is little relevance between the salient learning points of entrepreneurship as a process of actualising creativity.

The only reason training providers use bazaar stalls is because either the schools/organisations ask for it specifically and/or the training provider is unable to deliver comprehensive training in Project Development.

I.e. Bazaars are only good for “ra-ra” feel good courses to utilise surplus budget where the kids don’t really learn anything useful in the real world.

At the core of “entrepreneurship”, it is not so much about developing creativity as it is about developing the core competencies in full or partial spectrum Project Development that would enable trainees to actualise the creative projects within a specific context. This includes within that spectrum the capacity for Intellectual Advocacy of social, technical and economic concepts, causes and directives.

Within the context of real world industries, we have micro entrepreneurship within businesses or civic organisations, and macro entrepreneurship between businesses (B2B) and biz to client (individual/institutional/govt).

Some of us coming from industry backgrounds as chartered professionals where we need professional accreditation for anything we do, would be more appreciative of the need to ensure that none of that “ra-ra” rubbish taints the brand equity of the organisation.


From The Archives: Matspeak: “Malay Boys Inside Jokes: Minah Makes Part 2”

The second post that made it official that Matspeak was here to stay. First posted on 1 December 2009.


*Disclaimer: Warning contains possibly offensive content. Do not read if you are offended by stereotypical cultural references to Minahs, Cars or People in general.

Since the last edition we’ve created and spotted some new models. Here they are. Enjoy.

Created by Din & Eemz:

“Model T” a.k.a. “Model T Soft Top” – Pun playing on direct reference to the vintage classic ‘Ford Model T Roadster’, the ‘T’ refers to ‘Tudung’ the Malay word for ‘Hijab’ or headscarf worn by some Malay Girls. The Model T refers to minahs that wear the headscarf “full-time”.

“Convertible” – Pun playing on the Convertible cars with tops that can be raised or opened. Convertible refers to minahs that wear the headscarf “part-time”, like only at certain times or places like certain events and occasions, while not wearing during normal daily routine.

“Cabriolet” – Pun playing on the sporty Cabriolets that always have the tops down. Cabriolet refers to minahs that never wear the headscarf when in public, except for during prayers when they wear the full cover.

Spotted in Army Reservist:

“Tonner” a.k.a. “5 Tonner” a.k.a. “3 Tonner” – Pun playing on reference to the Army Trucks refered to by military personnel as “Tonners” in reference to their cargo loading tonnage capacity. Tonner is used in reference to hefty looking minahs or minahs that appear to have excess cargo hanging out on the mid section.

From The Archives: Matspeak: “Malay Boy Inside Jokes: Minah Makes”

The original Matspeak post that started it all on my old blog. First posted on 20 October 2009


*Disclaimer: Warning contains possibly offensive content. Do not read if you are offended by stereotypical cultural references to Minahs, Cars or People in general.

Mats love their chix as much as they love cars/bikes. Hence it is to be expected that they develop a subculture of pseudolinguistics amalgamating both Minahs and Motoring.

Having said so here is a bunch of coloquial terminology or lingo commonly used by this subcultural community group known as the ‘Mat Racer/Motors’.

‘J-Model’ – refering to Divorcee MILFs, with ‘J’ refering to the Malay word for divorcee ‘Janda’. Pun playing on Japanese makes of vehicles..

‘Formula-D’ – refering to Virgins, with ‘D’ refering to ‘Dara’ the Malay word for virgin. Pun playing on the popular motor sport of ‘Drifting’ and the professional Drift Racing circuit called ‘Formula-D’.

Jokes associated with the abovementioned terms include:
What’s the difference between J-Model & Formula-D?
Formula-D is difficult to get into so don’t bother trying. It’s gonna cost you a lot to get licensed. And once your in and you find you don’t like it, it’s gonna be heck of a lot more expensive to get out.
J-Model is easy to get in, it’s damn near free. And if you don’t like it you might get paid to get out.

From The Archives: Matspeak: “Soalan Bodoh – Jemputan Edition”

First posted on 17 January 2010.

I’m sure most of us have been to jemputans and encountered the typical barrage of greeting questions most of which are just plain stupid questions. Here are a few classic soalan bodohs, and some typical answers.


1) “N’ari tak kerja eh?” – “Not working today eh?”
Probably the most common of the soalan bodohs, however depending on the person this may or may not be irrelevant. Obviously for most people that don’t work on weekends the answer is “Tak. Kalau kerja tak’kan aku kat sini s’karang”, thus making it a stupid question. However for people that do shift work on weekends it becomes a valid question, usually answered with either “Kerja, tapi shift start malam/petang, jadi lepas ni pergi kerja lah.” if they’re going to work after the jemputan or “Ah! Tadi shift pagi jadi lepas kerja baru datang lah ni.” if they just came from work in the morning.

2) “Apa kau buat kat sini?” – “What are you doing here?”
Another common soalan bodoh ‘max out’/’to da max’ nyer, obviously you’re there to attend a jemputan, however what they’re actually asking if they’re not idiots is in what capacity you’re attending the jemputan. Some common responses are usually “Tengok S’dara/kawan/members kahwin lah apa lagi.” or “Orang jemput, jadi gua datang lah.” or “Abang/kakak/adik/s’dara kahwin jadi tolong-tolong lah.”

3) When you are sitting down polishing of a plate of briyani – “Dah makan?” – “Eaten yet?”
No explaination necessary.

4) When you are sitting down polishing of a plate of briyani – “Baru Sampai?” – “Just arrived?”
Bodoh because obviously a nearly finished plate of briyani means that you’ve been there long enough to either queue at the buffet and tahan a super long queue to get your makan or wait a decent amount of time for the servers to serve you and finish most of it.

From the Archives: Matspeak: “Baby what’s your Flavah? #2”

First posted on 18 February 2010.

Hi guys,
Part 2 of the “Baby what’s your Flavah?” Series, from my pal Ana, a take on kuih-muih minah bohsia typology.

Thanks Ana!


1) Kueh lapis = Seperti kueh yang berlapisan, Minah ini pon berlapisan muka perangai hypocrite. Sound sekali dia accept. Cukup time kluar first date mintak beg baru. Dah belikan beg Fendi $200 sebiji terus mintak break.

2) Putri salad = Super suweet looking with senyuman mengancam. Kena kejar 2 minggu baru sound accept. Tapi cukup time dah buang $ kat Hotel 81 2 jam, step virgin + very kaku mcm nak mintak duit balik. Nasib baik muka bayek.

3) Epok2 biasa = Plain-looking, not much in the looks dept, she got her looks from bapak, but 2-jam Hotel 81 tak cukup wor service bayek. Confirm ajak lagi, tapi oleh kerana gaji sebulan sekali + super budget sbb dah tolak installment moto + tukar kontrek beli iPhone tak guna sampai skarang tak tahu pakai buang sudah, terpaksa ajak sebulan sekali sahaja. Buat masa2 yg lain, tgk voyuer cam pon jadi.